Private has run into business problems lately, but no one does glossy porn blockbusters better. Their newest release, Mission Ass Possible, is available now for streaming or download, with a stateside DVD release slated for November.

Mission Ass Possible - Private XXX porn parody

Back cover blurb: “Secret Service Agent Ethan Cunt is on a mission to take down the most prominent figure in the underground criminal network ass-soon-ass-possible! The boss meets his match during the yearly poker game with 3 more heads of the network on a private cruise liner along the coast of the Columbian-Panama border. Packed with non-stop action, suspense and a superb plot, this big budget blockbuster has 7 scenes of hardcore sex action.”

Starring Tarra White, Sophia Santi, Brooklyn Lee, Melanie Memphis, Nataly Von and Kourtney Kane.

Private has spoofed this franchise before. In 2005 the studio made Mission Possible and Mission Possible 2.

Digital Playground makes glossy big-budget feature film porn, just like in the old days before gonzo. Their latest release is Top Guns, either a porn parody or sexed-up remake of the Tom Cruise fighter pilot classic.

Top Guns - Digital Playground

Release date = Tuesday, March 8, 2011.

Digital Playground is releasing Top Guns in a three-disc set, 2 DVDs & 1 Blu-ray.

The all-star cast includes Max Mikita, Jesse Jane, Kayden Kross, Stoya, Riley Steele, Raven Alexis and Selena Rose.

Naked Movie 4 from Muffia

Muffia collects three half-hour porn parodies in Naked Movie 4 (DVD release date: Tuesday, June 8, 2010), including: Super Badass (XXX parody of Superbad), Farold & Fubar (XXX parody of the Harold & Kumar films) and Pop Gun (XXX parody of Top Gun).

The title Naked Movie 4 confused me, since I couldn’t remember a Naked Movie 1, 2 or 3. But apparently Muffia considers earlier releases Star Trix: Deep Penetration, Miami Spice and Nutbusters (a Ghostbusters XXX parody) to be the first three “Naked Movie” DVDs.

MMA giant Kimbo Slice makes a non-sex cameo appearance in Farold & Fubar. Apparently he’s friends with someone at Muffia. Kimbo Slice also appeared in their XXX parody Miami Spice in 2009.

Kimbo Slice in Farold & Fubar XXX parody

The Whore of the Worlds

Here’s another confused science fiction porn parody mishmash. Paradise Visual released The Whore of the Worlds in 1985 as a sequel to their Lust in Space (also 1985, not currently available online).

The alien invasion plot has little to do with H.G. Wells or even Orson Welles. The Whore of the Worlds does make jokey allusions to Greek mythology and a contemporary sci-fi sitcom. “Just when she’s smugly certain the entire population of the planet has accepted her moratorium on sex, evil ruler Clitemnestra discovers the decampment of Zork and Zindy for worldly pleasures.”

Clitemnestra was played by pornstar Andrea Brittian, who changed her porn name to “Jessica Longe” around this time.

26 years after Risky Business came out, Adam & Eve turned it into a star vehicle for contract girl Kayden Kross with Kayden’s Frisky Business. She recreates the famous Tom Cruise sunglasses pose for the parody box cover.

Kayden's Frisky Business

This has been a popular XXX porn parody pun over the years. VCA made a Frisky Business in 1984, the year after the original. Harmony made a bondage-themed Frisky Business in 2001. Scandanavian Erotic made a gay Frisky Business in 2004. Caballero changed things up slightly with Risky Biz in 1998.

Interview with the Vampire, the so-so Tom Cruise movie based on the great Anne Rice novel, spawned a handful of XXX porn parodies.

The most ambitious was Intercourse with the Vampire from Sin City. One reviewer wrote, “Rocco Siffredi is Drax, a Vampire. He glides across the floor on some sort of trolley. It looks very silly.”

Intercourse with the Vampire

Anabolic followed the original plot faithfully (by porn standards) in Interview with a Vamp. Lestat is now a hot babe with big hair.

Interview with a Vamp

Vivid made a XXX knockoff with the awesome title Interview with a Vibrator, which sadly never made it to DVD or VoD.

And fetish studio Roman Video twisted the title into Interview With a Trampler