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Hustler has released This Ain’t Fast & Furious XXX. The box promises “All star cast – ANAL – and fast cars!” and we would expect no less.

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That all-star cast includes Ryan Ryans, Mischa Brooks, Aimee Black, Cassandra Cruz, Sasha Hart and Xander Corvus. Directed by Andre Madness.

There’s a new Fast and Furious movie coming out in spring 2015, the one that got delayed when Paul Walker died. Hustler decided not to wait, for whatever reason.

Not surprisingly, since guys who like porn also tend to like shiny cars going fast, there have been many Fast and Furious porn parodies over the years — Slick 2: Fast and Furious by Jim Powers; the French-language Fuck and Furious; and Rocco Siffredi’s Furious Fuckers series, which had motorcycles rather than cars.

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Researching a project on superhero porn, I recently stumbled across this oddity: Bathman dal pianeta Eros, a very silly 1982 Batman porn parody made in Italy. The title translates to Bathman from Planet Eros.

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Lesbian Vampire Academy

The movie Vampire Academy was a huge bomb, scoring under 10% at Rotten Tomatoes and grossing under $10 million before quickly disappearing from theaters. No sequel is planned. The studio didn’t even bother faking a real-world romance between the stars.

So it’s not entirely clear if Hustler’s new Lesbian Vampire Academy is supposed to be a porn parody or not. Maybe it’s just good barely legal girl/girl smut with fake blood and fangs, and the similar titles are mere coincidence?

Starring Raven Rockette, August Ames, Karmen Karma, Natasha Voya, Zoey Foxx, Ryan Ryans, Carter Cruise and Zoey Monroe.

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Lame tagline: “These Lesbian Vampires need to feed on more than Blood!”

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Nerdporn overload! Two studios have released Doctor Who porn parodies on DVD: The Doctor from Brazzers, and Doctor Whore from WoodRocket.

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Doctor Whore is directed by Lee Roy Myers. It first appeared in installments at his funky tube site WoodRocket. The cast includes April O’Neil, Tara Lynn Foxx, Jodi Taylor, Ava Dalush, Skin Diamond, Brian Street Team, Kris Slater, Richie Calhoun and Aaron Wilcoxxx.

WoodRocket has done a great job promoting its parodies with geek culture sites. Lee Roy Myers told an interviewer for The Mary Sue, “Our team is made up of fans of Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Star Wars, Star Trek, and pretty much every interesting Sci Fi, fantasy, comedy, horror, cartoon, or adventure, television shows, movies, comic books, and games. I think the future of porn will resemble erotic fan-fiction: a combination of pop culture and mainstream entertainment and sex and nudity.” Sounds good to me.

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The Brazzers parody simply titled The Doctor also debuted in installments on network site Pornstars Like It Big earlier this year. Brazzers contract woodsman Danny D. stars as the Timelord in three long scenes with costars (scene one) Franceska Jaimes, (scene two) LouLou, (scene three) Georgie Lyall, Leigh Darby and Victoria Summers.

Three previous Doctor Who porn parodies appeared around 2005-2006, all made in the UK: a softcore TV series called Doctor Screw; Dr. Loo and the Filthy Phaleks starring Alicia Rhodes; and Abducted by the Daleks, which the BBC successfully blocked from commercial release on copyright grounds.

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Pervy political junkies rejoice! Filly Films (motto: “A Lesbian Company”) presents the must-see political sex scandal porn parody of the year in Between the Headlines: A Lesbian Porn Parody.

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The scandal begins with a wild White House romp between Hillary and Michelle (no last names, please), played by Nina Hartley and Lotus Lain. A staffer (Vanessa Veracruz) inadvertently spies the power coupling. What to do? Tell the media or keep it secret?

Fans of MSNBC will enjoy Lily Cade’s turn as “Rachel M”, while fans of Fox News will thrill to Aaliyah Love playing “Megyn K”. (Or maybe they’ll be pissed off. Who knows?) The cast also includes Zoey Monroe, Aiden Starr and Ela Darling. Directed by Lily Cade.

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The last four years has been the Golden Age of superhero porn parody. Pornographers have methodically worked their way through the DC and Marvel canon, and every Hollywood superhero blockbuster has spawned at least one XXX knockoff.

The genre goes back a long way, of course. Charlie Jane Anders traced “the Bizarre History of Superhero Porn” at io9 a couple years ago, starting with Tijuana bibles from the 1940s featuring Superman and Plasticman. She also included kinky underground comics from later decades.

The first superhero porn parody feature film appears to be Bat Pussy (1973).

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The Kink.com network of BDSM sites created a six-scene porn parody of science fiction camp classic Barbarella earlier this year. They staggered the scenes across six different sites over the course of a few weeks. Now the complete epic is available on DVD.

Lorelei Lee starred as Barbarella — the role originally made famous by Jane Fonda — throughout. Here’s the scene breakdown with links to teasers:

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Cinderella XXX from Axel Braun

Cinderella XXX: An Axel Braun Parody is now available on DVD, streaming and download. Samantha Saint plays the title role.

One big difference from the traditional tale — Cinderella’s stepsisters (Carter Cruise, Penny Pax) are much nicer to her in the XXX version:

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At least until the paddle comes out, and even the paddling doesn’t look so bad:

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As always, Cinderella meets her Prince Charming and lives happily ever after:

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Cinderella XXX: An Axel Braun Parody follows Sleeping Beauty XXX: An Axel Braun Parody and Snow White XXX: An Axel Braun Parody, all released in 2014, all available now on DVD, streaming and download.

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Porn Parodies That Never Got Made

In a long overdue overhaul of our Coming Soon page over the weekend, we deleted a bunch of old listings. These were mostly porn parody projects which had been announced or rumored but never actually released. We’re not sure how many of these were real in-development projects. In some cases, we suspect that studios were simply calling “dibs” on various parody targets to deter rival studios.

For the sake of preserving data for future porn historians, we present this master list of Porn Parodies That Never Got Made.

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BBQ Titmasters from Burning Angel

Cooking competition show BBQ Pitmasters gets the porn parody it deserves, BBQ Titmasters from Burning Angel.

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In this version, tattooed Burning Angel girls Kleio Valentien, Necro Nicki and Sheena Rose prepare BBQ in the backyard, Joanna Angel hosts the competition, and Tommy Pistol, John Strong and Will Powers serve as the judging panel. Then they all move inside for post-BBQ sex. Maybe they sit around and let the BBQ digest before launching into the sex, it’s not clear. That’s what I would do.

Joanna Angel also directed, and she posted some fun making-of set pics to her blog a while back.

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